More Reminders

hyperionnebulae:

The abuse you suffered is not your fault. 

I know logically you know this but let me take it a bit further and fill in the metaphorical cracks.

There is nothing you could have been or done that would have made the abuse not happen. Stop the “if only” and “what if” responses! You’re abuser would find something else to use if you weren’t x or didn’t have y. When someone wants to have power over another person, they will find anything that allows them that.

Mental illness is not an excuse for abuse to happen. It doesn’t matter who is mentally ill: the abuser, the victim, or both. 

You have the right to cut abusive people out of your life without feeling guilty or apologizing. In most cases, you have already done both of these things enough times anyways.

Just because they apologized doesn’t mean you should invite them back into your life. I’m not saying that people can’t change over time (some times people do) but that doesn’t mean that they have or that, even without the abuse, they would be good for you now.

Even if your abuser isn’t abusive to other people, the abuse you suffered still happened and matters. This isn’t a balancing act; they don’t get to do more good than bad and get to erase all the bad. 

You don’t have to heal alone. A common tactic of abusers is to make their victims feel alone and it’s hard to break out of that mental box. Hard but not impossible. If you let other people help it is a lot easier.

The healing process is different for everyone. There is no correct speed and/or amount to be healed from. There is no correct method. You will find something that works for you in your own time.

You are not a burden. You are not too sensitive. You are not too broken. 

You have survived this far.

The abuse is not your fault.