Piece of media: here’s a female assassin
Me: nice
Piece of media: she kills her marks by seducing them and-
Me: *already asleep*
Piece of media: she kills her marks by seducing their wives and convincing them to murder their husbands
Me: *wakes up* Go on
but really porn is just the canary in the coal mine that our supposed general purpose computing devices are tightly controlled by a duopoly that makes Microsoft in the ‘90s look relaxed and open minded: Apple doesn’t want porn apps on its phones, so there are no porn apps on its phones; other apps can stay if they tithe 30%, but they’re on thin fucking ice.
you can leave Tumblr and go to another social network, but if that gets sufficiently popular it will face the same threat, there is no escape.
the last bastion of freedom is the open web, and I anticipate the day when mobile Safari blocks access to sites that aren’t signed by Apple, for security reasons.
the right to install whatever software you want on your own computer is a vital one, and we should be fighting for it.
choking on water is the worst because how do you stop choking? drink something? well ive got some bad news for you
Lean your head forward, preferably to knee level, and let the water kind of drain out of your mouth. When your are able to, take deep slow breaths. No heimlich maneuver or physical assists from somebody else should be used beyond this, otherwise you could vomit and escalate the issue. Its about keeping the larynx open. Hopefully this helps.
Reblog to fucking save a life.
Holy fuck. This is some need to know shit right here
Seras shows up because the soldiers are causing a commotion by loudly agreeing that that was messed up and he probably did have a better mustache and sends a video snippet to his s/o of it with the caption “come collect your man” they do and are promptly pulled into his lap where they get softly nuzzled into and held in front of everyone
THIS IS SO SILLY AND CUTE THOUGH AHGSHGD
S/O dragging him off and he’s just leaning on them asking “I’m pretty right?”
How many times a week do you think his S/O gets told “come collect your man” because I think it’s at least 8
Are you familiar with Drunk History? I just imagined a drunk Alucard surrounded by drunk soldiers and rambling about the past. “He was called Radu The Handsome…which was rude. That was like everyone indirectly saying that I was some hideous beast from the deep sea. Which I was not. To be completely honest…I think I should have been called Vlad The Handsome…So inconsiderate of them.”
I, looooooooooove Drunk History.
This is so hilarious ldkjfd. I’d love to see this petty drunk vampire ranting about minor things from substantial events.
Alucard playing dumb on things to get his s/o going into more details and to get them flustered as they explain what they are into and why. Like, he got it the first time you explained it, he just likes seeing you all blushing.
HE WOULD
WHAT AN ASSHOLE
Hello Sweetie💚🖤
@monsterloversanonymous us with alucard
“how could I resist a smile like that?” MOOD
Me: chillin, relaxin, watchin tv
My brain: what if Vladcard’s chompers were bigger than Alucard’s usual ones
Me: sweats
WHEN HE’S really worked up or angry it’s just SABERTOOTH like they’re enough to distort/show through his lips

