socialjusticeichigo:

I keep seeing people suggesting that the fact that (sub/dom) drop and aftercare are things in BDSM and kink that BDSM and kink are inherently abusive?

And like… I’m not going to claim to be an expert on kink or BDSM, because I am so very far from it. But the way I’ve seen it explained is that sub/dom drop and subsequent aftercare are the result of people coming down from the adrenaline and endorphin highs during a scene.

Like, yes, the symptoms described in drop definitely can be symptoms of abuse too but they’re also symptoms of coming down from any extremely elevated mood state. It’s an adrenaline/endorphin crash. People experience it for all sorts of reasons outside of kink and BDSM.

I guess I just feel like if someone says to me, “Yes, I experience drop sometimes, and yes I require aftercare sometimes, but everything I do with my partner is 100% consensual and I truly love and enjoy our scenes.” I’m not going to go, “Actually sweetie, it seems you just don’t know what’s good and bad for you, allow me to tell you.”

That’s just. So patronizing and infantilizing to assume that someone just can’t determine these things for themselves. And I’m not saying that abuse can’t or doesn’t happen in kink and BDSM or that none of these scenarios ever actually involve abuse where the person doesn’t realize they are being abused. But I feel like it’s not for me to decide which cases fall under that and it’s definitely not for me to decide that they all do. I think it’s up to the BDSM and kink community to spread important information such as warning signs that things have become abusive or unhealthy so that people can self determine whether what they’re engaging in has become unhealthy for them or not.